by NebulaJack Mon Mar 14, 2016 10:47 am
I don't think I mentioned much about the guest that was staying with me last year, or her boyfriend. They're both dear friends of mine, but that changed while they were staying in the spare room of my house.
The guest, I'll call her lost-one, had a mental breakdown, and her boyfriend's living situation couldn't work for her. He's got two other girlfriends, and they have a kid each with him. All 6 of 'em have been living with his aunt and uncle. Lost-one has mental blackouts from time to time, and will often attempt to harm herself or others. After a bad one in February of last year, when she had a really bad one, her boyfriend (I'll call him the Lion in the Den) was told by his Aunt and Uncle that she couldn't stay there until she got things sorted. They'd need her to take therapy/rehab sessions for as much as a year before they'd be comfortable with her coming home.
I agreed to let her move in, with the understanding that she'd be getting a job through a work program for people with mental health issues. he'd be coming over from time to time to check on her. The situation quickly developed into her and him having a room in the house, with neither of them working, and Lion making more and more suggestions/demands. This included moving the wifi modem closer to their room and getting pissy when I was too tired to make coffee, while also complaining about it not being strong enough when I did.
One day, when I talked about my ongoing intentions of moving to Los Angeles at some point, while keeping a place in Eugene, Lion started telling me again how I don't want to move to LA, because I can't handle it, and trying to convince myself that it's what I want isn't healthy. When I tried to change the subject, he kept going and eventually blew up and started yelling at me. It got to the point where he was telling me what a shitty person I'd become if I moved to LA, and that abandoning the creative project he and I have talked about working would hurt him enough that he'd lose respect for me as a friend. As I kept arguing the point, he eventually started talking about wanting to hit me because of how insulting I was being.
It was at this point that I started to question my friendship with the Lion in his Den... especially since he now had a secondary den which I'd referred to as my house, but was no longer feeling like "my" house.
When my brother and sister in law came out to visit last year, I introduced Lost-one as my room mate, and Lion as her boyfriend. We took off for the day, and swooped back later on. There were only here for a few minutes. Later on, Lion asked why I hadn't introduced him as my friend. It took awhile for me to tell him, but the truth was that I didn't want a conversation starting up between the two of them that would lead into the question of what he or Lost-one did for a living. If my brother had been told that they weren't working and were essentially living rent free, he'd have been furious. He likely would have said something that would have gotten Lion pissed off enough to start talking aggressively, and then things would have gone to shit.
When I told Los-one and Lion about all the concerns, she said that if my brother had been told about her situation, he'd surely understand. After all, he seemed like such a nice guy. It wasn't too hard to explain, that no, my brother would not understand, or give a fuck. At best, he'd offer up a statement like "You're situation sucks, but it isn't Nebula's problem, and he doesn't owe you losers shit." Lion said that yeah, he probably would have kicked my brother's ass over that, and I chuckled. Mi hermnao is one of the most peaceful, and pacifistic guys in the world, which usually makes for a dangerous fighter when forced. Even without Lion's physical handicaps (he's got a fucked up leg among other problems) there's zero chance he could whip the ass of a peaceful man put into a forced fight. The fact that Lion would have made an issue out of that, and taken things to a violent level is also part of why I question the "friendship" between us.
Lion and Lost-one also sowed a bit've discord between me and my room mate, though not as much as they attempted. I won't go into great detail, but I think they wanted to force an issue of "Him or Us" in hopes that he'd move out and there'd be a better room available. It didn't work. When Lost-one blew up at Man of the Hill (my room mate) over some misunderstanding about food in the fridge, he told me straight up "If she's gonna start doing this kind of bullshit, I can just move back to my family's house." In return for the honesty, I let him know "If it comes to a choice between them or you, they've lost since day zero. If you want me to kick 'em out now or later, just say the word and it's done."He said that if she blew up at him again, he wanted them gone. Once I relayed this to Lion and Lost-one, they throttled back. It also came to light that there might have been a thief sneaking in and stealing food, though i never confirmed that. It's worth noting that the problem went away completely after they moved out.
During the process of Lion and Lost-one leaving, he insisted on being at White Elephant Party that was already intended to be attended by Cool Dawg (a.k.a. "Got Me Hired" friend from work). When I told cool dog about this, he dropped out of attending, because he doesn't want to even be in the same room as Lion anymore (details on that another time).
A few weeks back, when there was a going away party planned for the friend that's moving (who the White Elephant party was a fundraiser for), Lion ended up being at the place it was at too. He'd heard about a Game Dev night at the barcade where the going away party was planned. When he called to ask if I was going, I told him about the going away party and that while he wasn't invited, I wasn't going to tell him where he could or couldn't go. When Cool Dawg asked about whether or not he'd be there that night, I lied... because while I think Cool Dawg would be hurt and lose respect when I tell him (which I plan to later this week), I don't think he'll try to whip my ass or break my spirit. I can't say the same thing about how Lion would react if I'd asked him not to attend.
Last night, before New Room Mate moved in, I told Man of the Hill about all the stuff I hadn't told him while Lion was still living here. All the abusive behavior from Lion just happened to occur when Man of the Hill wasn't around. Man'o'th'Hill told me that he didn't think less of me for anything I did in response to that, and that as far as he's concerned, confessing to Cool Dawg about the lie isn't necessary, unless I want to do it for myself.
I'm glad to not be living with assholes anymore.
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