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rkwsuperstar wrote:

NebulaJack wrote:Hey, have you guys heard of Steak and A Blowjob Day? It's a concept that Dan Savage has been championing for a few years. It's on March 14th, and the idea is for people (primarily straight women) to reward their romantic partner's Valentines Day effort, by giving the guy what he wants, and the macho fantasy usually comes down to "a steak and a blow job", though it could be "pizza and anal" or what not, but basically a reward of the carnal desires of men as a counterpoint to Valentines, which seems geared towards the desires of women more than men.

What are y'alls thoughts on the subject?

Also, special V-Day poll is up.

Maybe it's different when you are in a really long term relationship, but it seems sad to me that you have to have "special" nights to do sexy stuff.  I get that not every night can be wild and passionate, but there's got to be some middle ground between that and just lying there every time with other stuff only on his birthday.

Yeah, this is another one of those things that should be a little more spontaneous and unexpected, or at least not matched to a calendar schedule. On the other hand, if society is gonna have a holiday that accentuates the flowerly lovey dovey stuff, having one for the carnal nitty gritty seems like a good balance.

NebulaJack wrote:Hey, have you guys heard of Steak and A Blowjob Day? It's a concept that Dan Savage has been championing for a few years. It's on March 14th, and the idea is for people (primarily straight women) to reward their romantic partner's Valentines Day effort, by giving the guy what he wants, and the macho fantasy usually comes down to "a steak and a blow job", though it could be "pizza and anal" or what not, but basically a reward of the carnal desires of men as a counterpoint to Valentines, which seems geared towards the desires of women more than men.

What are y'alls thoughts on the subject?

Also, special V-Day poll is up.

Maybe it's different when you are in a really long term relationship, but it seems sad to me that you have to have "special" nights to do sexy stuff. I get that not every night can be wild and passionate, but there's got to be some middle ground between that and just lying there every time with other stuff only on his birthday.

Hey, have you guys heard of Steak and A Blowjob Day? It's a concept that Dan Savage has been championing for a few years. It's on March 14th, and the idea is for people (primarily straight women) to reward their romantic partner's Valentines Day effort, by giving the guy what he wants, and the macho fantasy usually comes down to "a steak and a blow job", though it could be "pizza and anal" or what not, but basically a reward of the carnal desires of men as a counterpoint to Valentines, which seems geared towards the desires of women more than men.

What are y'alls thoughts on the subject?

Also, special V-Day poll is up.

James.k.Polk wrote:

rkwsuperstar wrote:

Patch wrote:

NebulaJack wrote: "Being angry at your mom, even hating her isn't doing anything to your mom. Her life isn't any worse today if you hate her or love her or just plain don't give a fart in the wind about her, but your life will be changed. If you keep stewing in this hate, you're gonna be letting her continue to live inside your head without paying rent."

That is well put and great advice

Agreed.

Yes, yes. Wonderful advice and accepted in the spirit in which it was given.

However, I find its a little like telling someone who has depression  "just cheer up". While we may know that anger and hurt feelings aren't good for us, there may be reasons why we do not let it go.

In my case, I am reminded that every time I tried to approach my ex wife with a modicum of openness, I was slapped for it. I remember that grief and that anger because I will not allow it to ever happen again. Anyway, that's rationalizing I guess.

Anyway it's not like I spend hours each day polishing a weapon and thinking about revenge. It just comes up occasionally, and I remember. And I rediscover that part of me that is still broken. And then, shortly, I move on and don't think about it any more.

I definitely don't mean to make it seem easy. Letting go of the hatred for my mom took years. I've still got a lot of resentment towards my older brother (which is somewhat easier to deal with, because most of the time I don't think he knew any better) that's hard to let go of.

Your point about remembering what your ex did to you so that you won't be abused again is semi valid. Think of it like getting burned the first time you touch a fire or a stove burner. You can remember the lesson without being angry and bitter at the stove. I'm not saying your ex-wife is like a kitchen appliance, just that you should have as much regard for her as you do for such a device. A cold indifference to her as a person would probably be a lot healthier, and again, it's something that I think will take years, perhaps a couple of decades, but it'll be worth it.

James.k.Polk wrote:

However, I find its a little like telling someone who has depression  "just cheer up". While we may know that anger and hurt feelings aren't good for us, there may be reasons why we do not let it go.

I can see that. I think the part that opened my eyes, is "it doesn't make a difference to them" It goes from a problem with them, to a problem with me. I never looked at it like that, and I harbored all manner of ill will for my ex and the hell she caused. The fact that she threw away her children and eventually her life, is beyond reason to a normal person. So I struggled with what could I have done different. In the end I made the decision that there was nothing else I could do, so I moved on with my life. This sort of validates that I made the right decision, and she didn't care one way or the other.

kegs wrote:

rkwsuperstar wrote:

James.k.Polk wrote:

rkwsuperstar wrote:I guess it was a slow news day today.  This morning, they interviewed someone (I wasn't paying enough attention to know who) and he was talking about how sad people get on V-Day when they are alone, so he was encouraging people to buy gifts for friends so they don't feel left out, and for people to take the initiative and buy a gift for themselves.

There's a chicken wings place down here called Pluckers. They're doing an anti-valentines day thing.

Cheap wings and beer specials. I intend to go ther on Sunday and eat wings and drink beer. Try and stop me.

Why would I stop you?  Enjoy yourself.  I tend to do an anti-Valentines thing, also.  I watch horror movies.  Not that it's any different than any other day when I watch horror movies, but still.  I might buy a bag of heart shaped peanut butter cups to eat while I watch.

Well if you're going the horror route, might as well us the right kind of heart...

Which I will then use to re-enact Temple of Doom

rkwsuperstar wrote:

James.k.Polk wrote:

rkwsuperstar wrote:I guess it was a slow news day today.  This morning, they interviewed someone (I wasn't paying enough attention to know who) and he was talking about how sad people get on V-Day when they are alone, so he was encouraging people to buy gifts for friends so they don't feel left out, and for people to take the initiative and buy a gift for themselves.

There's a chicken wings place down here called Pluckers. They're doing an anti-valentines day thing.

Cheap wings and beer specials. I intend to go ther on Sunday and eat wings and drink beer. Try and stop me.

Why would I stop you?  Enjoy yourself.  I tend to do an anti-Valentines thing, also.  I watch horror movies.  Not that it's any different than any other day when I watch horror movies, but still.  I might buy a bag of heart shaped peanut butter cups to eat while I watch.

Well if you're going the horror route, might as well us the right kind of heart...



or you could just go all Hannibal..

James.k.Polk wrote:

rkwsuperstar wrote:I guess it was a slow news day today.  This morning, they interviewed someone (I wasn't paying enough attention to know who) and he was talking about how sad people get on V-Day when they are alone, so he was encouraging people to buy gifts for friends so they don't feel left out, and for people to take the initiative and buy a gift for themselves.

There's a chicken wings place down here called Pluckers. They're doing an anti-valentines day thing.

Cheap wings and beer specials. I intend to go ther on Sunday and eat wings and drink beer. Try and stop me.

Why would I stop you? Enjoy yourself. I tend to do an anti-Valentines thing, also. I watch horror movies. Not that it's any different than any other day when I watch horror movies, but still. I might buy a bag of heart shaped peanut butter cups to eat while I watch.

rkwsuperstar wrote:I guess it was a slow news day today.  This morning, they interviewed someone (I wasn't paying enough attention to know who) and he was talking about how sad people get on V-Day when they are alone, so he was encouraging people to buy gifts for friends so they don't feel left out, and for people to take the initiative and buy a gift for themselves.

There's a chicken wings place down here called Pluckers. They're doing an anti-valentines day thing.

Cheap wings and beer specials. I intend to go ther on Sunday and eat wings and drink beer. Try and stop me.

rkwsuperstar wrote:

Patch wrote:

NebulaJack wrote: "Being angry at your mom, even hating her isn't doing anything to your mom. Her life isn't any worse today if you hate her or love her or just plain don't give a fart in the wind about her, but your life will be changed. If you keep stewing in this hate, you're gonna be letting her continue to live inside your head without paying rent."

That is well put and great advice

Agreed.

Yes, yes. Wonderful advice and accepted in the spirit in which it was given.

However, I find its a little like telling someone who has depression "just cheer up". While we may know that anger and hurt feelings aren't good for us, there may be reasons why we do not let it go.

In my case, I am reminded that every time I tried to approach my ex wife with a modicum of openness, I was slapped for it. I remember that grief and that anger because I will not allow it to ever happen again. Anyway, that's rationalizing I guess.

Anyway it's not like I spend hours each day polishing a weapon and thinking about revenge. It just comes up occasionally, and I remember. And I rediscover that part of me that is still broken. And then, shortly, I move on and don't think about it any more.

I guess it was a slow news day today.  This morning, they interviewed someone (I wasn't paying enough attention to know who) and he was talking about how sad people get on V-Day when they are alone, so he was encouraging people to buy gifts for friends so they don't feel left out, and for people to take the initiative and buy a gift for themselves.

theIllustriousDrGonzo wrote:I don't hate Valentines Day or people who practice it. It's just another corporate Holiday and an excuse for people to buy shit. I don't hate people who get to spend it with someone, but at the same time I feel like you are with someone all the time, why wait till a certain government mandated day to go out and buy a bunch of generic shit to show them you care. You should do that shit on the regular anyway and not just once a year on a certain day. I've always been the make my own Valentines gifts person. This has worked in my favor and backfired in my face as well. There is nothing like putting the thought and effort into creating something for someone only to have them not appreciate it.

The last Valentines day I remember was with my ex when I was 26. Candles, wine, and we listened to the Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness album in the background and just talked for hours. It was fantastic. After her and I broke up I kind of went of the rails for a bit. We were together for almost four years. It was brutal and I did not take it well at the end.

Yea, Valentine's is not my thing, even when I have someone. But I don't make fun of anyone for participating. But I agree, I'd rather have flowers just because you thought about me today than because it's a holiday that's been spewing commercials at you. I know there are guys out there like that (my dad and Patch), but I used to work at Coach House Gifts (sort of like a Hallmark store) and we would be overrun with guys buying ridiculous trinkety crap because tomorrow was Valentine's day and he forgot about it until he saw the sign in our window.

Patch wrote:

NebulaJack wrote: "Being angry at your mom, even hating her isn't doing anything to your mom. Her life isn't any worse today if you hate her or love her or just plain don't give a fart in the wind about her, but your life will be changed. If you keep stewing in this hate, you're gonna be letting her continue to live inside your head without paying rent."

That is well put and great advice

Agreed.

NebulaJack wrote: "Being angry at your mom, even hating her isn't doing anything to your mom. Her life isn't any worse today if you hate her or love her or just plain don't give a fart in the wind about her, but your life will be changed. If you keep stewing in this hate, you're gonna be letting her continue to live inside your head without paying rent."

That is well put and great advice

theIllustriousDrGonzo wrote:I don't hate Valentines Day or people who practice it. It's just another corporate Holiday and an excuse for people to buy shit. I don't hate people who get to spend it with someone, but at the same time I feel like you are with someone all the time, why wait till a certain government mandated day to go out and buy a bunch of generic shit to show them you care. You should do that shit on the regular anyway and not just once a year on a certain day. I've always been the make my own Valentines gifts person. This has worked in my favor and backfired in my face as well. There is nothing like putting the thought and effort into creating something for someone only to have them not appreciate it.

The last Valentines day I remember was with my ex when I was 26. Candles, wine, and we listened to the Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness album in the background and just talked for hours. It was fantastic. After her and I broke up I kind of went of the rails for a bit. We were together for almost four years. It was brutal and I did not take it well at the end.

Valentines isn't really a corporate holiday, so much as a corporate hijacked holiday, like Christmas. The thing started out as a feast for some Catholic Martyr, and morphed into a day for romantic love to be celebrated, mostly by the lovers themselves. Guys writing poetry to their gals (or probably to other guys on the extreme down low) goes back to at least the 1700s. Somewhere along the way, much like with Christmas and Independence Day, the merchandizer asshole crowds repurposed it as another money making venue.

I'm with you on the spontaneous romance thing. Back when I was dating an older woman in Stillwater (like, older enough that her son was 3 months older than me), she took an online course to get a CPA degree so she could look for a new job. It was really doing her head in, mostly because of how time consuming it was. The day she finally took the test, which was at a specific site so it could be proctored, I was gonna be at work when she got home, but I wanted to give her a boost of emotion when she got back from doing the test. So I printed out a note that read "Open the door and look to your right" and taped it to the front door with a rose. Inside the apartment was a series of printouts with romantically themed comic covers from DC Vertigo's Lucifer series (which I was a big fan of at the time) where he was embracing his lover, and directions to the next note. The final note was on our bed with a paragraph about how proud I was of her for putting os much time and effort into the endeavor, and that win or lose, she'd tried which was a form of victory in itself.

When I got home that night, she was so radiant and glowing.

That night was far more romantic than any valentines day what not I've ever had.

rkwsuperstar wrote:

James.k.Polk wrote:

rkwsuperstar wrote:You have to be careful when you click on Fortress of Nerditude notifications...they DGAF about nudity over there.  "What's this notification for?" VAGINA "Well, that's a great image on my work computer."

Yah that popped up on my phone whan I went to check a generic facebook notification.

I startled.

And it doesn't go away.  I opened something else, that was normal, but right under it...Vagina.  Another one popped up and it turned out to be a dildo of some sort-just like a strap on, but you don't have to strap it to keep it on, if you catch my drift.  Great.  I'm gonna have to stop opening their notifications at work, I guess.

II think I know the kind you're talking about. I've seen some porn videos called "Strapless Dildo" were there's a curved thing that goes into the vagina and has something that rubs the clit while the rest of the dildo comes out like a phallus so a woman can fuck her girlfriend or peg her boyfriend and get stimulation of her own and not have to worry about a harness. That's one of those things that make me wish for a bottle of pills like in a short story by Neil Gaiman where a sex change can be thorough and temporary. I'd love to see what that would feel like.

James.k.Polk wrote:

Patch wrote:I use to despise Valentines day. With my first ex, we moved into a new house, bought the furniture she wanted and ran up a huge amount of debt. I was working hard to get back to even when V-Day came along. I bought her a nice card, some candy, and a not overly expensive necklace. I give them to her and she throws a fit because she didn't get flowers as well. I was stunned and pissed. Every V-day after that, she got flowers, that it.

She complained about that too, but I told her I'm not trying anymore. So we both got to hate the day.

My ex-wife was in a similar mindset.

What do you want to do for valentine's Day?

I don't want you to make a fuss.

--doesn't make a fuss--

--Gets cold shoulder for weeks--

(or)

I don't want anything.

--picks out stuffed animal and candy--

--gets cold shoulder because reasons--


It's 15 years later and I still haven't forgiver her.  That can't be normal.

I've found that forgiveness isn't really something for other people, so much as for ourselves. For years I hated my mom with a passion for how badly she fucked up me and my brother's lives when we were in high school. The biggest part of it was gambling away the child support money our dad sent, which was her only stable income, but other things factored in as well. One day, while living in Oklahoma, miles and years removed from the situation, but still bitter about it, my Uncle took me out for coffee to talk to be about it. He told me "Being angry at your mom, even hating her isn't doing anything to your mom. Her life isn't any worse today if you hate her or love her or just plain don't give a fart in the wind about her, but your life will be changed. If you keep stewing in this hate, you're gonna be letting her continue to live inside your head without paying rent."

That was when I started to let go of my resentment, not for her, but for me.

Polk, I know you're still torn up about how things ended with your ex, and I know at least part of it's over the kind of person you turned into during that time, so I'm urging you as a friend, try to forgive her and yourself, for your own sake. It's like setting down a lead belt that might be holding up the pants of comfort, but dragging one down into mental anguish.

I don't hate Valentines Day or people who practice it. It's just another corporate Holiday and an excuse for people to buy shit. I don't hate people who get to spend it with someone, but at the same time I feel like you are with someone all the time, why wait till a certain government mandated day to go out and buy a bunch of generic shit to show them you care. You should do that shit on the regular anyway and not just once a year on a certain day. I've always been the make my own Valentines gifts person. This has worked in my favor and backfired in my face as well. There is nothing like putting the thought and effort into creating something for someone only to have them not appreciate it.

The last Valentines day I remember was with my ex when I was 26. Candles, wine, and we listened to the Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness album in the background and just talked for hours. It was fantastic. After her and I broke up I kind of went of the rails for a bit. We were together for almost four years. It was brutal and I did not take it well at the end.

James.k.Polk wrote:

rkwsuperstar wrote:You have to be careful when you click on Fortress of Nerditude notifications...they DGAF about nudity over there.  "What's this notification for?" VAGINA "Well, that's a great image on my work computer."

Yah that popped up on my phone whan I went to check a generic facebook notification.

I startled.

And it doesn't go away. I opened something else, that was normal, but right under it...Vagina. Another one popped up and it turned out to be a dildo of some sort-just like a strap on, but you don't have to strap it to keep it on, if you catch my drift. Great. I'm gonna have to stop opening their notifications at work, I guess.

rkwsuperstar wrote:You have to be careful when you click on Fortress of Nerditude notifications...they DGAF about nudity over there.  "What's this notification for?" VAGINA "Well, that's a great image on my work computer."

Yah that popped up on my phone whan I went to check a generic facebook notification.

I startled.

You have to be careful when you click on Fortress of Nerditude notifications...they DGAF about nudity over there. "What's this notification for?" VAGINA "Well, that's a great image on my work computer."

I'm not expert, but I'm sure being hurt by someone you love can take years and years to get over, and may never happen.

I think like Patch was saying-you bought her SOMETHING but you didn't buy what she wanted you to buy even though she never brought it up.  You were supposed to know what to get because the guys in those romance novels and movies always know.  Also, in some ways I think it's a competition between women.  "So and so got 2 dozen roses so I expect 2 dozen roses AND balloons."[/quote]

I fully expect to take this resentment and, yes, hatred to my grave.

That being said I hope no one thinks I was a completely innocent party in the collapse of my marriage.

James.k.Polk wrote:

Patch wrote:I use to despise Valentines day. With my first ex, we moved into a new house, bought the furniture she wanted and ran up a huge amount of debt. I was working hard to get back to even when V-Day came along. I bought her a nice card, some candy, and a not overly expensive necklace. I give them to her and she throws a fit because she didn't get flowers as well. I was stunned and pissed. Every V-day after that, she got flowers, that it.

She complained about that too, but I told her I'm not trying anymore. So we both got to hate the day.

My ex-wife was in a similar mindset.

What do you want to do for valentine's Day?

I don't want you to make a fuss.

--doesn't make a fuss--

--Gets cold shoulder for weeks--

(or)

I don't want anything.

--picks out stuffed animal and candy--

--gets cold shoulder because reasons--


It's 15 years later and I still haven't forgiver her.  That can't be normal.

I'm not expert, but I'm sure being hurt by someone you love can take years and years to get over, and may never happen.

I think like Patch was saying-you bought her SOMETHING but you didn't buy what she wanted you to buy even though she never brought it up. You were supposed to know what to get because the guys in those romance novels and movies always know. Also, in some ways I think it's a competition between women. "So and so got 2 dozen roses so I expect 2 dozen roses AND balloons."

Patch wrote:I use to despise Valentines day. With my first ex, we moved into a new house, bought the furniture she wanted and ran up a huge amount of debt. I was working hard to get back to even when V-Day came along. I bought her a nice card, some candy, and a not overly expensive necklace. I give them to her and she throws a fit because she didn't get flowers as well. I was stunned and pissed. Every V-day after that, she got flowers, that it.

She complained about that too, but I told her I'm not trying anymore. So we both got to hate the day.

My ex-wife was in a similar mindset.

What do you want to do for valentine's Day?

I don't want you to make a fuss.

--doesn't make a fuss--

--Gets cold shoulder for weeks--

(or)

I don't want anything.

--picks out stuffed animal and candy--

--gets cold shoulder because reasons--


It's 15 years later and I still haven't forgiver her. That can't be normal.

James.k.Polk wrote:

rkwsuperstar wrote:

James.k.Polk wrote:

theIllustriousDrGonzo wrote:

kegs wrote:

theIllustriousDrGonzo wrote:

theIllustriousDrGonzo wrote:

rkwsuperstar wrote:

Patch wrote:Well I have to do my Valentine's day bragging. I think I nailed it this year.

I have roses being delivered to her job today. We leave tomorrow for a weekend at the Gaylord Texan. I've never stayed there but it looks nice. We are having dinner Saturday night at the Old Hickory Steakhouse and I got this little beauty for her.

Beat a stuffed teddy bear holding a heart

Hmn...I was making a yarn hanging heart shaped pendant lamp for Valentines day, but we all know how that worked out, so it's currently sitting in the garbage. On the up and up, I now own a hanging light fixture. Kudos to you.

Maybe I'll make one of these bad boys for myself.

Is that a death star? If she doesn't consent to to being your valentine, are you threatening to blow up her home planet?
Don't be too proud of this threaded terror you've constructed. The ability to destroy the darkness is insignificant next to the power of the sparkly jewellery.

PAY ATTENTION! The one I was making for her was going to be heart shaped and two toned. But events played out differently so I scrapped it. I still have the hanging fixture, so I might make the Death Star looking one for myself...Jeez.

Waves hand...

You will make a Death Star string art light fixture and you will send it to me.

Polk is now Gonzo's Valentine

Don't tease me, woman. I never get shipped with nobody.

My apartment is dark and I can use all the lighting I can get.

Come on. Everybody ships you with Patch. You know this.